Will I ever find my soul mate?????

This is the kind of question that often crosses my mind. I'm 24 years old now and still single. Many of my friends hurry themselves to get into a serious relationship with someone and even some of them are already in a marriage right now. Sometimes I envy them so much and wonder why can't I be like them and find my love? Or am I destined to be single for the rest of my life? LOL. Nah, I don't think that extreem actually, but still it really bothers me, especially when my parents start to bug me with statements like: "why don't you find yourself a boyfriend?" or when your friends ask "what happened to that guy you were seeing" I think the best one is "let me introduce you to someone who I think will be perfect for you" Thanks but im not that desperate, I hope. I'm still young and I just want to enjoy my freedom.

I can't lie, I do want to have someone close and share everything with. I want to experience how it feels like to be special in one's eyes and feel loved. But I guess the biggest problem is in my own self. I'm just too afraid to really let myself fall in love. I'm so afraid but afraid of what? I don't know. Could it be rejection and actually being hurt, could it be the possible outcome? I don't know. When will I ever know?! I guess I'm such a person who's afraid to take a risk on love.

One of my friends also told me to be more confident about myself. I guess she's right. Not until I can fully accept my own self, can I allow someone to enter my heart. Strange but I guess its true.

I guess right now I will continue to meet new people and perhaps my 'soul mate' will come along.

Thankfullness

Let me begin by asking you this question.

Are you someone who can easily thankful for everything you have, or completely the opposite, you have difficulties to find any reasons to be grateful?

Well, such question cannot be answered easily because it really depends on the situation. When everything is in favour with what you want, then you can easily answer that I can find many reasons to be thankful. But when everything is against your will, then you will say that you have so many reasons to complain and be upset with the situation. I have to admit that it's really hard to become such a person who can be thankful despite of his/her situation.

Yesterday, while at work, one of the ladies were complaining, I then wondered was she thankfull for anything?. I then remembered something one of my teachers said. "During our difficult situation, we should never use our "complaint" glasses. Instead, we should only use our "thankfulness" glasses with which we can always see the bright side of everything." She also reminded me that God knows the best for us. Therefore, sometimes His answers are not the same with what we want. Just like Garth Brooks' song 'Unanswered Prayers'.

The problem with having nothing but happy moments in life is that we forget to say thanks. We think that all of our achievements is only because our hard work and strength. We forget that God has given a great amount of contribution in our life so that without Him, we would have not achieved anything. By experiencing difficult times in life, then we learn to appreciate everything we have in life. It also makes us realize that we really need God and we should depend more on Him.

Growing up.

I received an email today from a friend commenting on life and how much we change over timer. Where we long for the past and attempt to hold on to it for its familiar and the future is strange and scary.

On that note, I remember an email I received a few years ago and saved it. So I thought I would post it. Hope you all enjoy it.


It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where
you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch
with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because
suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not.

You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past
with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with
your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
~unknown

"Lett-us" ...not be IGNORANT

The other day reached my breaking point in dealing with all ignorant stupid people of the world. Always crying, always complaining, whining, questioning. Why can't people just let things be? Why must we create a ‘stir’ at work? Why is it really anyone’s business as to what the neighbour is doing? Or what ‘Johnny’ said to ‘Sue’? Or what ‘Sue’ wore to work yesterday? Honestly now, is it really our business to poke and probe in someone else’s life. Okay, I understand if your concerned about a person, but when your invading someone life, or the famous word – “GOSSIPING” and even “BULLYING” then we there is a problem.

People should keep quite and listen and/or read? Always jumping to conclusions, assuming the facts, and questioning the truth. People don't know a darn thing about “Johnny”, “Sue”, or “Molly” and create little stories, torment others and cause tension within an environment. Creating a hostile working atmosphere.

You are all probably wondering what my problem is… right? Well, this all stemmed from lettuce. Yes, I did say lettuce; hence the title of today’s blog. (Thanks Jess).

I met an individual one morning eating lettuce. It didn’t strike me as odd at first for I am known to eat the most random things for breakfast. However, I saw this individual consuming lettuce again but this time it was for lunch. Now, I was curious. Was I missing out on the new fad or something? So, I felt compelled to ask why she was consuming lettuce so much- I mean she ate it as if it were leaving the country? Little behold, she said she liked it. I mean so do I, but not as TWO consecutive meals, perhaps as a snack (and yes I have done it; its quite refreshing). I was slightly concerned with this whole situation. Why? Well, let me tell you. Working a long shift on lettuce doesn’t hold out. Firstly, your not replenishing yourself of the energy lost while working. This is a huge concern especially when working in hot and humid weather – there’s a risk of passing out. Lastly, how can anyone pass up food? Obviously there was more to the ‘lettuce’ then I was aware.

After gobbling down my lunch one individual explained the ‘lettuce’ situation to me. The lettuce had a story behind it. How did I know? Okay, it was obvious. The ‘lettuce lady’ was being tormented day in and day out by a group of people who obviously had nothing better to do. She was a slightly larger woman and when I say slightly I mean about 25 maybe 30 pounds (15kgs) overweight. The ‘lettuce’ lady obviously had enough and was apparently ‘solving’ the situation. At that rate she would be the size of a pin by the end of the month. Would she be healthier? NO! Most of her teeth would probably fall out, her mind would be functioning at a much slower rate, but she would have satisfied those around her. J

Who in their right minds have the audacity to inform another that they MUST lose weight? Especially with no PhD. Interesting, but despite all this people feel compelled that they must interfere and bully this poor ‘lettuce lady’ and other for that matter.

Don’t people see what they are doing? Have they not seen how they are affecting ‘Johnny’ and ‘Sue’ and the ‘lettuce lady’? Do they not see how others perceive them? These ‘bullies’ must feel on top of the mountain. But get real people your not.

You look like an extreme ‘idiot’ for lack of a better word. You’re losing your credibility and your respect. You’re actually NOT the ‘almighty and powerful’ but the weaker and ignorant.

We often judge, criticize and bully others but we should look upon ourselves and consider the consequences of our actions.

Not sure of the consequences…
We often think of BULLYING as a physical action but there is the psychological aspect as well. The effects on victims of physical bullying obviously include the injuries sustained in the process. However, the risk of psychological damage in these cases is also substantial. Individuals who are constantly bullied - either physically or psychologically and socially - lose their self-confidence, their self-esteem or are at amplified risk of suffering stress-related conditions – which can prompt further physical trauma. (**Source: Health and Wellness)

Effects on the working environment:
Employees working in an environment of fear and resentment do not give their best. The adverse affects of bullying show up as increased absenteeism, staff turnover, low morale and poor performance levels. The enterprise may suffer loss of productivity and creative input. It is also possible that the enterprise's image and wider reputation will suffer. (**Source: Organization Behaviour class notes). Hey I’m questioning why nothing is being solved.

In conclusion…
Teasing and tormenting peers cannot be tolerated as an acceptable part of our society. So the next time you feel compelled or desire to ‘BULLY’ Molly, Sue, and Johnny THINK AGAIN. Your destructive behaviour has consequences.

James 1:19 we read: "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry."

Worth Dreams

Worthy Dreams

Okay, for some of you this question may look quite familiar from philosophy class. As much as I struggled with thought and personal analysis in the class (when I did attend) I enjoyed completing the weekly ‘Big question Reflection’ questions.

I can honestly say that some of the subject areas that we covered in class were quite profound and ‘mind blowing’. Some of the themes were very inspiring and I find myself continually thinking and analyzing some of those themes and questions. Here is one of them:

My worthy, enlivening, big-D Dream is to one day become an Educator a teacher. A teacher is an individual that sparks intellects, makes subject matter come alive and causes students to pursue knowledge on their own. Teaching is a multi-disciplinary art and a dedicated teacher is part confidant, friend, motivator, coach, actor and leader. Classrooms would be a boring place if every teacher taught the same way. One must find a teaching method that is most effective for oneself and their student.

The process of organization is important in maintaining a ‘well-balanced’ school. Educators perform an important and most valuable role within the school the ‘leader’. The function of a leader is not to create followers but is to create other leaders.

Over the years it I have become aware that my decisions today will affect me tomorrow. However, I have come to realize that there is no set path to where we are going. One should ‘travel the path untaken and make his mark’ which, is the philosophy I have stuck to today. God guides and is with us no matter what direction one chooses. I have come to the awareness that whatever my desire is/was and will continue to be God will help me along the paths. This desire to teach really struck me in high school and since then I have been attempting to achieve that goal. Every move I make I realize has implications for the future.

Sharon Daloz Parks’ commentary on vocation in “Big Questions,Worthy Dreams” is particularly striking and suiting for the vocation of a teacher. “Vocation is the place where the heart’s deep gladness meets the world’s deep hunger”. This hunger can be anything but the way I perceive it is a hunger to teach to lead and to learn.

As a teacher I hope to inspire my students and give them enough motivation to bring them all the way through post secondary. I plan to be a good role model to my student and to make learning a fun activity instead of a mandatory chore. I hope that my students acquire a desire to continue to learn as well as a good set of morals and values when they leave my class.

Teachers are important role models in the life of many students. For this reason teacher should strive to be responsible and inspiring adults.


Although teaching is my ultimate dream I hope to fulfill my other ambitions, goals and desires.

Who am I? Who influenced me?

Who am I? Who influenced me?


Mentors…
People continue to shape my life everyday. People have inspired me in many different contexts; whether it’s on a field, institution or in a home. The impact that people have had continues to be a moulding structure.

Among the many who have made a difference in my life are teachers. Teachers are by far very inspirational, and considerably in my life. They have redirected and directed, encouraged, challenged, guided, motivated, disciplined, and modeled a life worth following. To this day they continue to support me either by their echoes or their presence. They have changed me as a person along my journey of life.

Although this took some serious deep thought I decided to keep it to a minimal and just focusing on educators.

I first loved school was when I was in Heather Saseila’s class. She engraved the fundamentals of learning. I learned the importance of learning and the value of education. She created the desire to teach.

Debra Curtis was my grade eight teacher. I first met her in grade seven when most of my friends had her as their educator. When they introduced me to her I thought she was ‘cool’ for she had the same unruly hair as me. It was chemistry from the start. As a shy student I was awed by her personality and charisma. She was able to relate to us as individuals. She reached out and provided strength and hope. She brought out courage and enthusiasm for life. She provided me the foundation (like planting a seed) of independence.

If there is one person that really stands out is Mary Lou Facey. She taught me to love and to trust. I first met her in grade nine (gym class) and she continued to be my teacher for multiple other classes. She encouraged me to play on the school field hockey team where her ways and philosophy really spoke to me over the years. ‘The brave don’t live forever but the cautious don’t live at all.’ She taught me to stand up for myself, to stand tall and challenge what I believed it. She always said ‘Grit, guts, and determination leads to success.

Wendy Price boy will I never forget her. Perhaps since I lived in her office for most of my high school days. As my acting guidance counsellor she directed me and opened my eyes to a different worldview. One not narrowed to my culture, one of acceptance and trust. Opening up and laughter gets you far in life. She brought laughter back to life.

As I moved away from home for the first time to go to college I decided to go pursue my education far away from family. One of the first people I met was Louise Signoretti. To this day I don’t know why I was connected to her. Perhaps it was the fact that she was able to understand me. She appeared to comprehend where I stood and my thoughts and draw them to the surface. She had that kind of compassion looking out for her students. What she didn’t say was the telling part of what I heard. Actions speak louder then words.

These women were at my side when I was trying to form an identity. I was seeking for truth. Having come from a traditional Portuguese family I was unable to do things that many other teens my age were doing. I was forced to get a job at a young age and to continue working through school. Although I do not regret

Ah yes Craymer Forth, who could ever forget Craymer. This little man who had love for his students greater then his heart could carry. This little man had high hopes for many if not his entire class. He brought love into the classroom and the process to think for our selves. Spoon-feeding in the long run teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon. He taught me courage and faith and the yearning to succeed.

Debra, Mary Lou and Wendy all were present when I was a young confused teen. I was shy and attempted to hide beneath the surface. These women didn’t let me slide into that bubble they were able to see something in me that I didn’t see and drew it out. Courage and love of life was the outcome. I was aware that love was present in life and that it was ok to love. These were common women with a caring touch. They made me want to be more like them, leaders. Having come from a traditional Portuguese family I was unable to do things that many other teens my age were doing. I was forced to get a job at a young age, and care for my siblings; I had responsibility inside the home. However, these women helped me learn to accept that and hope for the future with change. They helped me make one of by biggest decisions of life, to continue my education. They created a realization that there is life outside the home. I moved away to continue my education.

By the time I went away from home I had a desire to succeed. I wanted to be me not live through someone else’s expectations. I wanted my own! Craymer and Louise helped me really bring my own goals into perspective. They taught me not to settle for less then what I really wanted. Warmth and commitment helped me through the most difficult challenges of my academic and personal journey. With personal battles they provided encouragement.

As I look back to these people I realize that I did not learn what they taught in the classroom but what they were as people. They built me for the future by encouraging and supporting. Although many are not near or I have lost touch their echoes speak loudly. Just like the poem footprints God was there and carried me through my most troublesome times in my life. These people have formed who I am today. I often reminisce about the past and think of what it was about these people that have formed my very being. It was their optimistic attitudes, their warnings of what may lay in the road ahead; it was their humour, their insights and their faith in me. Not one gave up on me. They all lead by example (what they did and who they were). I owe them thanks to what I have become.

I am often reminded of the Serenity Prayer
“God grand me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Heroes…

As an Olympic enthusiast I am often reminded of Silken Laumann a female Canadian rower. What constitutes a hero for me is one person who hade a difference in my life. In 1992 Laumann underwent a serious injury 3 weeks prior to the Olympics it was said that she wound perform at the Olympics. However, she didn’t settle for that she had courage and strength to continue. To me those are the most desirable characteristics anyone could have. Courage and the strength to continue can carry one far. She made a difference in my life. She created that inner strength and that courage to go after the things you really desire.

G.I. Jane (the character in the movie). Wouldn’t all women want to be her? I mean perseverance and patience was the key to her success. She battled through all the stereotypes and conquered her goal. She taught me with a little faith you can do what you want no matter what society and those close to you say, go after your goals. Patience is the key as long as you put in the effort.

To be a strong leader one needs personal commitment and concrete actions. And who best exemplified that then Mahatma Gandhi. He devoted his life to something he truly believed in. He searched for truth, he trusted in God, he guided, and he led. To me that makes a devoted and inspirational leader. He is an image of who I want to become. I want to lead (which is why I want to be a teacher) and in leading I hope to inspire those around me. Through my convictions and through my character and with help from the community I hope to lead the community to the right path.

Finally, Pope John Paul II and Mother Theresa is also my hero’s for their infinite wisdom. They lead and guide through their wisdom. Through them I am able to understand some meaning and how to shape what I believe in to a more practical sense. These are my hero’s because she represented all that is good and holy in a world filled with pain and suffering. They replaced violence and disregard for human life with patience, kindness and stewardship.

In conclusion, many people come into our lives for various reasons however; we often keep those who have left their prints on our soul and our heart close. They enter for various reasons sent by the almighty father above. Each of my hero’s and mentors all shaped me by creating an image of who I wanted to be. They provided support through their actions and commitments to me. Like the proverb says it takes a community to raise a child. Each person has taken part of the structure. Its like a puzzle each piece creates a new form. In general what each have taught me is to be involved and stand up for what you believe in. No matter the sacrifice, fulfill your true hearts desires. I learned to grow. Family (in the broad sense) is a group experience of love and support.

One of my teachers gave me this awhile back and I often wonder when will that day come.

The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core strength within you that survives all hurt.