Ermz

Friday, September 30, 2005

UPDATE...

Summer has come to a conclusion, like most others, rode much like a roller coaster: there were highs and lows, bumps and bruises, plenty of fear, yet an abundance of excitement. This year, however, I feel that I reached new highs. I have learned a lot this year; about music, about the people around me, about the topics covered in school, about God, about me. This year, I have also felt the most terrified and sadness I have ever felt before.

It began on a roller coaster; I commenced the summer with much reflection of the summer. I came off of my first school term into a very tough second term. I had a new housemates, and plenty of strangers around me. Gradually, each of these improved, and things were going pretty well. My faith derailed for a bit (as it usually does), but restored quickly as friendships flourished. To sum up the year…the spring was unforgettable, the summer was challenging, and the fall was invigorating.

There were a lot of memorable experiences this past year, many triggering other memories perhaps moreso than any other year. From some of these experiences, I have learned a great deal and I can only hope that I have changed for the better in response to these realizations. Yet not all was happy-go-lucky this year, either. I have to face the reality that I had to bid goodbye to many dear friends for an unknown amount of time. I have to cope with the many terrible mistakes I made which really hurt me. I have to accept what comes at me in life, and pull through.

I can't say that I was wholly good this year; I said plenty of things that I shouldn't have said, held my tongue when I should have spoken out, done things I shouldn't have done, and remained passive when I should have done something. But we're all guilty of this, and I can't blame myself forever if I did do it. So, too, is it true that people struggle with their faith, hurt others, and fail.

Despite all of the downs that I have had, however, I still remain confident that this year will hold many treasures. Last year (2004-2005) was a very good year for so many reasons, and I will try my best to cling to that. I took a lot of steps forward this past year, and I pray that I can keep the momentum up for this upcoming year (2005-2006) and the years to come. I also pray that the times ahead shine brightly on all of you, my dear friends; you deserve the best.

I think that I would like to share a few resolutions that I have made for this coming year, or those that I need to continue from before. It will be very difficult for me to keep them all, but a goal is being made:
1. Stop complaining about stupid things - I know that I whine a lot, and I know that it's annoying. I'd be annoyed if I had to listen to myself all of the time. So, my complaints jar is already up and running.

2. Go to Church every week - I was good for the first bit of summer, but began to slack on this. Be it chapel, Church (still looking for one that I like locally), I have to be to at least one of them once a week. I need my organized time with God.

3. Pray - Not that I don't already, but I don't think that I do enough. Communication is the key to any successful relationship, and if I want one with God, I need to do some talking.

4. Stay vigiliant in my faith - By this, I really mean to try harder to avoid sin. I have knowingly sinned many times this year, and I cannot allow this to continue. I am not proud of sinning, and I want to be rid of it.

5. Use sarcasm appropriately - Just like my whining and complaining, I know that I am also ridiculously sarcastic. While usually used in jest, I know that it has the ability to hurt others. I need to hold my tongue with this.

6. Be nice - Somewhat related to Resolution 5, I need to be more sensitive to other people. I must be mindful about being a good person to my friends and family, and even to strangers.

7. Work out every day - Probably one of the hardest resolutions for me, since I'm not particularly motivated too much of anything besides sleep! But if I want to live a healthy life, I have to work towards it.
Continuations...

8. Continue to avoid swearing - The swear jar is getting expensive, but it's good incentive for me to watch my language. I'm getting better!!

9. Continue to expect the most out of myself - Aim high. Sure, I'm setting myself up to be disappointed, but I'd rather try and fail to be exceptional than just pass at being mediocre.

10. Continue to be thankful - It's so easy to take things for granted, and it's so easy to let the luxuries that we all have slip our minds. I am very lucky to be where I am right now, to have the things I do, and to know the people that I do. Thank you, God, for everything! :)

I think that about covers it. If I nail these 10, I’m on my way to becoming a happier and more of a good role model. I know that these goals are going to be a challenge but that’s what friends are for – they are there to hold you accountable. And what I like to say, go big or go home!
Again, my best wishes in this coming year to all of you! God bless us all!